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I love America, but God help us. We have no sense of art in this country any more. Good 'ol corprate American has reduced Dragon Ball Z to the level of shows like Extreme Dinosaurs or Mummies Alive. They pried out the story so they'd have somthing they could easily sell to an American audience and make toys for. Now, as much as I may bitch about
FUNimations butchering of DBZ, I must say it's better than nothing. I
didn't even know DBZ existed until I saw it one fateful Saturday
morning. I'm an anime nut, and it looked cool so I tuned in. I
immediatly realized that this thing had ben changed. Any anime fan can
smell bad translating a mile away. I figured "ah, who cares. These
fights kick ass." And thats what I think FUNimation expects its target
audience (which I think are 3 year olds) to believe. "Story shmory,
Americans want violence. And the more combat, the easier it is to
market." Then to further insult our intelligence, they take out any
depth Dragon Ball Z had by creating the mysterious other dimension they
send people to. Okay, I could see how this might get started, I even
forgave them at first, but DAMN it's annoying. And whats worse, they
aren't even consistent! Case in point: in the epoisode where we first
see the Ginyu squad take on Vegeta, Krillin, and Gohan, our dear
FUNimation screws up by letting Gohan (or was it Krillin?) say "We may
have to protect this Dragon Ball with our lives." Woah! What was that?
Your LIVES? You mean they actually live, and aren't just things that go
from dimension A to dimension B? It's just stupid. They aren't protecting
us from crap. The day I saw the aforementioned episode, a Droopy
cartoon was airing before it. In it, not only do the characters smoke
some of the biggest stogies I've ever seen (DBZ bad thing number 1,
smoking), but you also see beer (DBZ no no number 2, alcohol) and the
whole episode is centered around Spike trying to KILL Droopy to get his
inheritence (DBZ evil word number 3, death). It had a lower rating than
DBZ (TV Y, I believe), it contained eveything that DBZ didn't. Damn
strange, don't ya think? Also in that episode, I saw quite possibly one
of the dumbest FUNimation violence coverups ever. When the little green
Ginyu dude (my DBZ knowledge is limed) freezes Gohan and Krillin in the
air, he soon jumps up and beats the living crap out of them. We don't
see this, of course, because it's covered up by what I think is suposed
to be a dust could that looks like someone just took an eraser to every
frame and scratched over the violence. Yeesh.
On to the music. *sigh* Okay, I have to admit, I kinda like "Rock the
Dragon." Not as a theme for DBZ, but just as a song (I'm really into
heavy rock, okay?). As for the BGM during the show... I've never heard
such god-awful stuff in all my life. What did they do, give a chimp a
synthasizer and a tape deck? It doesn't make sense why they'd change it.
Is it a legal reason, or does it appeal more to American audiences? If
it's the latter, then they need to find new focus groups that they're
testing this crap on.
And what of the opening sequence? Well, it did get me interested. But it
doesn't work for several reasons. If you're new to the series, you ask a
lot of questions like: "Why does Goku become a blonde at the end of it?"
"Why's Vegeta with all the good guys in the lineup at the end?" "Who the
hell was that sword guy?" It wasn't until recently I even learned who
Trunks was. Up till then, I figured it was Vegeta or somthing.
Let's not forget the voice acting. Krillin I can stand. Gohan isn't too
bad. Vegeta sucks, but does have his moments. Freeza.... I thought he
was a woman for the longest time. Goku I can live with. Bulma is
perfect. It seems like they once again where trying to Americanize the
series by changing them to what we, the American public, are supposed to
believe someone evil sounds like.
Who did they get to write the dribble they have every show? Rejects from
the Speed Racer dubbing? It's like they said "All right, now have you
ever heard of Dragon Ball Z?" "Ummm.... how do you spell that?" "Okay,
good. Have you ever heard of anime?" "Heard of what?" "How about Japan?"
"I think I met her once in a bar." "PERFECT! You're hired!" I mean, some
of the lines are just plain STUPID! Example: The first of the Bulma
filler episodes (which sucks anyway) has Bulma continually using dog
refernces to describe her reptillian captor. He's not a dog you dumb
bitch! He's a big lizard! Although they do have their moments (the
cappuchino on the ship thing was damn funny to me), but they are few and
far apart. While I'm on the subject of dialoge and words, I might as
well bring up the censoring of the word Hell. First of all, I know every
little kid out there KNEW in his or her mind that it was supposed to be
HELL. Kids are not as stupid as some take them for. And if you're gonna
screw it up, FUNimation, at least make it a more reasonable acronym, like
HFEL (Home for ETERNAL Losers would make way more sense). And here's
something really intesting. If the network has so many standards they
hafta set DBZ to, then why do they air a commercial for a rock
compilation that has Damn Yankees advertiesed in it? On the screen in
bold letters you clearly see DAMN Yankees. So you can advertise the word
damn, but you can't show the word Hell? In fact, that commercial aired 2
or three times during the shows (UPN shows 2 episodes a week). Oy
gevalt, what a sad state this country is in.
I think that if you want to solve a lot of trouble, a network like Fox
should put DBZ in prime time (after all, they take most any show you can
think of, whether it's good or not). They should start the series over,
scrap all the changes FUNimation made, translate it reasonably, and keep
the damned music. This show was not written for 5 year olds when it was
created, so STOP watering it down to where it is a mindless fireworks
show for babies.
I thought a bit more highly of the US DBZ before I realized what it was
really like. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss and I was just happy to
find a half decent anime series on TV. I only wish FUNimation appreciated
art. It's like they've tried to put clothes on Michalengo's David. It
makes me wonder if this place has a chance when all corprate America
wants is money, they will do ANYTHING to get it.
If anyone from FUNimation out there can read this, PLEASE consult the
fans about this! Stop for a second and realize that it's mostly teens
and young adults that are intrested in Dragon Ball Z! There is an
ENOURMOUS potentional market out there if you'd just stay true to the
origional. Think about it,. You'll get way more money. Have you seen the
number of DBZ fan sites out there? If you want money, fine. You'll make
truckloads more if you'd just keep it true to the Japanese version,
cause those legions of American otaku would be watching and buying the
US versions of the DB stuff. Action is great, guys, but story attracts
more people than crappy music, watered down fights, and other
dimensions.
Pheaw! That took a lot of willpower to keep from saying stuff like
"FUNimation, I hope you burn in the Hell- I mean, the Home of Infinite
Losers for screwing up a decent show!"
- Fox Barrett |
   
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