I have some very sad news for all who would read this.

Very sad news.

This is it.

I don't know how many of you have heard a little sampling of the new season three voices. Probably not too many. Oh dear, God, it is ghastly. Absolutely GHASTLY. I base this opinion on a collection of wav files downloaded from VegettoEX's dbz site. I implore you, check it out, the address is http://members.aol.com/VegettoEX/editorials/vegex_11.html.

Brace yourself. I MEAN it. I'm what you call a FUNimation optimist, I guess, and I was TOTALLY unprepared for how bad these would be. I mean, I was expecting them to be BAD, and I was still like "Wha....?!" when I heard these. I said to myself, "There is absolutely NO WAY... NO WAY!!! THAT'S IT?!?!! That's ACTUALLY the REAL THING?! No...it CAN'T be, it's a bad joke. It sounds like it was made using a freakin' microcassete recorder!!" I was reduced to tears, practically. My heart just about stopped beating. I saw DBZ SHATTER before my eyes, or my ears, as it were.

And, I haven't even heard Kuririn's new voice yet, but as I write this I'm downloading a wav of it. I grow pale at the thought of it. Okay, it's done....GULP...here goes...


Interesting...not quite as bad as I was expecting, but then again, what I was expecting was pretty ridiculous even by FUNimation standards. He really does sound like Jimbo from South Park, just like Chris said...he also sounds quite a bit like Oolong. Anyway; the voices ain't the half of it, either.

Obviously, by listening to these wavs, I am subject to the "music" as well. And I use the term loosely, my friends. The Shuki Levi score, while pretty crappy, and still rather unsuitable for Dragonball...well, it really wasn't THAT unsuitable, it did have its moments. I mean, it sounded like something you'd hear in many action cartoons. Well, guess what, people? The new music I have heard, quite literally, sounds a hell of a lot like it was taken directly from SESAME STREET. I mean it! Similar note progression, instruments, yada yada yada. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news for many of you at least, but there's no way this can be salvaged. This is truly ghastly. Let me tell you what happens to me when I listen to one of these wavs: First, I cover up my face and start LAUGHING, because this dialogue is, for all the wrong reasons, FUNNY. Then, it sinks in that THIS IS THE DRAGONBALL Z THAT MILLIONS WILL BE EXPOSED TO THIS FALL...and my laughter turns to tears. Well, there you have it. Things look bad. Very, very, very, very, very bad. Any optimists out there, I'm telling you, stop hoping, stop dreaming. It's even worse than you're imagining. But, look at the bright side. What with all the craziness in the world today, it's a welcome possibility that we will all suffer grueling deaths before fall. But that could probably never happen, as FUNimation executives would probably find a way to stop it so they could torture us some more. I've written FUNimation intelligent, mature e-mails on the subject by the way. Of course, they just deleted them all. Go on now, check out VegettoEX's. Listen to them sounds. Afterwards, when you're done vomiting, I'm willing to bet you'll want to e-mail FUNimation, so here's the address: feedback@funimation.net. Dragonball Z is done for in this country, US exclusive fans will BURN their DBZ merchandise, and FUNimation (DAMN, man, typing that FUN in capital letters is starting to seem really sarcastic) will laugh insanely as they viciously mutilate the world's all-time best anime further and further, those fucking nazi bastards, I hope they burn in hell. Have a nice day.

- Justin