Note: If you, the reader, are offended by bad language (i.e. realism and public school vocabulary), then you can just go to HFIL.

Okay, lets get this opinion crap on the road. I love DBZ. Every bit of it. I don't give a damn what the characters are saying or what FUNimation censors. As soon as the ki blasts start flying, I am captivated. I, like a number of shallow, mediocre teen-age males, am addicted to violence. And DBZ has some really kick ass violence. The bad guys don't always just take it up the ass, and the good guys get a mean streak every once in a while. I mean, when Vegeta just stares at Zarbon and smirks, who didn't start grinning like an idiot? You know some major "mixin' it up" is about to happen, and it's about time, too. Who gives a damn that Goku's hungry and his gravity machine is broken? Fuck Goku! I just want to see Vegeta whip some ass! It's all about the kame-hame-ha, baby! (Yes, I know Vegeta doesn't do that, I was just generalizing.)

And that's the average fan in me. But my DBZ obsession goes deeper. Although I still love to see all those wacky dudes kick some ass, I've started to cringe when I hear those cheesy dubs, grimace when some cloud of dust magically appears over a beat down, and scowl when I hear someone utter the words "next dimension." And you know who's fault that is? It's you Internet bastards, that's who. With your uncensored pictures, rants, and occasional .mov file, my inherent logic/desire drives have kicked in. I always wanted the blood and swearing; now I want the music and voices too. When I taped "The World's Strongest" off Cartoon Network's Toonami (you have to admit, the DBZ intro they made is pretty damn cool), the first thing I noticed were the background scores. They sounded so much like the music on those "Cell Saga" clips I downloaded... could it be the original? I actually rewinded two or three times just to hear it. "So this is what it's like... hey not bad," I thought.

Then when the series came back on Monday, I really noticed the differences. The paint-outs, too, started to really stick out. It's not that I want to see Gohan's schlong, but that moving flower really unsynced the scene. I did, however, want to see Guldo smacking Krillin around; but the aformentioned cloud was there to protect me. Thank you censors, because even though I'm deemed responsible enough to weild a 3000 pound death machine, I probably coudn't handle a little animated blood. And I'm SURE that when Vegeta didn't find Gohan and Krillan with his power sense, he said, and I quote, "Shucks." Freakin' whore, even Nickelodean is laughing about that! Come on!

Oh dear, I seem to be ranting. But what the hell, objectivity and brevity are imaginary qualities anyway. Back to the point, however; I don't have immediate access to the original versions of any episodes or movies. Every uncensored piece of DBZ I've seen I've either gotten from downloaded movie files or Greg Werner's TOTALLLY AWESOME DBZ site (that was a plug, for those of you who don't "get" caps), so my experiance is fairly limited. I do realize that some cuts are necessary, but seasons one and two are downright ridiculous. It's still DBZ, and I'll still watch it, but many fans won't. I'm willing to trade Trunks pissing on Broli (that's such a funny thought) for a little blood when SSJ Goku and Freeza beat the snot out of each other. FUNimation (those commie scum bags) can even save a little money by leaving in the original music, which fits way better than the crap they insert. While music may seem insignignifigant, and it really is, fans will always prefer "good" to "bad." And most importantly, please, please, please let the characters die. When my grandpa had cancer, he didn't slip off into the next dimension, he died. Yamcha got blown up; he died. So screw the next dimension, and just be realistic.

To sum up, DBZ will always kick ass, it's just the question of how much ass it is able to kick. The less cuts, the more ass. For God's sake, the Powerpuff Girls has more blood than Dragon Ball Z. Do you think Blossom could take Vegeta? I think not. I'm a real tight-ass and don't want to have to shell out for my fave TV show, but I'm going to start buying fansubs if they continue to gut the show. Fight the Power, American DBZ Fans. As Winston SHOULD have said at the end of 1984, "Fuck Big Brother."

- Steve Harmon