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Note: If you, the reader, are offended by bad language (i.e. realism
and public school vocabulary), then you can just go to HFIL.
Okay, lets get this opinion crap on the road. I love DBZ. Every bit
of it. I don't give a damn what the characters are saying or what
FUNimation censors. As soon as the ki blasts start flying, I am
captivated. I, like a number of shallow, mediocre teen-age males, am
addicted to violence. And DBZ has some really kick ass violence.
The bad guys don't always just take it up the ass, and the good guys
get a mean streak every once in a while. I mean, when Vegeta just
stares at Zarbon and smirks, who didn't start grinning like an
idiot? You know some major "mixin' it up" is about to happen, and
it's about time, too. Who gives a damn that Goku's hungry and his
gravity machine is broken? Fuck Goku! I just want to see Vegeta
whip some ass! It's all about the kame-hame-ha, baby! (Yes, I know
Vegeta doesn't do that, I was just generalizing.)
And that's the average fan in me. But my DBZ obsession goes
deeper. Although I still love to see all those wacky dudes kick some
ass, I've started to cringe when I hear those cheesy dubs, grimace
when some cloud of dust magically appears over a beat down, and scowl
when I hear someone utter the words "next dimension." And you know
who's fault that is? It's you Internet bastards, that's who. With
your uncensored pictures, rants, and occasional .mov file, my
inherent logic/desire drives have kicked in. I always wanted the
blood and swearing; now I want the music and voices too. When I
taped "The World's Strongest" off Cartoon Network's Toonami (you have
to admit, the DBZ intro they made is pretty damn cool), the first
thing I noticed were the background scores. They sounded so much
like the music on those "Cell Saga" clips I downloaded... could it be
the original? I actually rewinded two or three times just to hear
it. "So this is what it's like... hey not bad," I thought.
Then when the series came back on Monday, I really noticed the
differences. The paint-outs, too, started to really stick out. It's
not that I want to see Gohan's schlong, but that moving flower really
unsynced the scene. I did, however, want to see Guldo smacking
Krillin around; but the aformentioned cloud was there to protect me.
Thank you censors, because even though I'm deemed responsible enough
to weild a 3000 pound death machine, I probably coudn't handle a
little animated blood. And I'm SURE that when Vegeta didn't find
Gohan and Krillan with his power sense, he said, and I quote,
"Shucks." Freakin' whore, even Nickelodean is laughing about that!
Come on!
Oh dear, I seem to be ranting. But what the hell, objectivity and
brevity are imaginary qualities anyway. Back to the point, however;
I don't have immediate access to the original versions of any
episodes or movies. Every uncensored piece of DBZ I've seen I've
either gotten from downloaded movie files or Greg Werner's TOTALLLY
AWESOME DBZ site (that was a plug, for those of you who don't "get"
caps), so my experiance is fairly limited. I do realize that some
cuts are necessary, but seasons one and two are downright
ridiculous. It's still DBZ, and I'll still watch it, but many fans
won't. I'm willing to trade Trunks pissing on Broli (that's such a
funny thought) for a little blood when SSJ Goku and Freeza beat the
snot out of each other. FUNimation (those commie scum bags) can even
save a little money by leaving in the original music, which fits way
better than the crap they insert. While music may seem
insignignifigant, and it really is, fans will always prefer "good" to
"bad." And most importantly, please, please, please let the
characters die. When my grandpa had cancer, he didn't slip off into
the next dimension, he died. Yamcha got blown up; he died. So screw
the next dimension, and just be realistic.
To sum up, DBZ will always kick ass, it's just the question of how
much ass it is able to kick. The less cuts, the more ass. For God's
sake, the Powerpuff Girls has more blood than Dragon Ball Z. Do you
think Blossom could take Vegeta? I think not. I'm a real tight-ass
and don't want to have to shell out for my fave TV show, but I'm
going to start buying fansubs if they continue to gut the show.
Fight the Power, American DBZ Fans. As Winston SHOULD have said at
the end of 1984, "Fuck Big Brother."
- Steve Harmon |
   
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