76 "Kamisama mo Ikikaetta! Super Sheng Long de Piccolo ga Fukkatsu "
(Kami-sama Also Lives Again! Piccolo is Restored by Super Sheng Long)
62 "Piccolo's Return" 99-9-22

Porunga offers three wishes, and after some debate, the first is made. It brings Piccolo back to life, and the second brings him directly to Namek. Before the third can be made, however, the Great Elder dies and Porunga disintegrates. Freeza arrives soon after, furious that his one chance at immortality is gone.

Well, folks this is it. An historic moment indeed. This was, for me, the single worst episode EVER of the dub. Sure, there have been terrible scenes, terrible lines, terrible edits, etcetera, but this whole episode, while lacking any single thing that was truly deplorable, was consistently sucky all the way through. It was very difficult to watch. And it wasn't so much how it fits into things in the long run that makes it what it is to me: It was the experience I had watching it for the first time. One scene in particular almost drove me over the edge, and man, what a scene. All at once I was forced to confront my last hope for Season 3, that somehow, just maybe, Piccolo, Tenshinhan, and Yamucha's voices would be OK. Those hopes were shattered right before me in a space of less than a minute, and as the shards of glass cut me open, I was bombarded with some of the worst dialogue and line delivery in the whole dub, pouring lemon juice into the wounds.

For me, this was a lot like a relapse back to that fateful day late last May when I saw Season 3 for the first time. All the horror, anger, and disappointment returned in a flash, which took me completely off guard because I had actually been slowly adjusting to the new episodes. I had been WORKING to try and accept them for what they were, and I was actually making some progress. This one pulled the rug out from under me, and that "back to square one all over again" feeling is one of the reasons I hate the episode so much.

Gohan: "Yeah! Good ol' Namek. Where balls are born!"

The crapfest that is this episode gets off to a rollicking start with this incredibly stupid and nonsensical line from Gohan. What in holy HFIL can he possibly mean here?? Should I even ask?

I turn my attention now to the one and only cool thing about this episode. You know what I'm talking about. Everybody couldn't BELIEVE this when they heard it, they rewound their tapes to make sure, checked again, but there it was without a doubt:

Dende swore.

That's right. He actually said "Don't piss off the God of Love!" This was a pants-crapping moment for a great many fans around the country, me included.

Dende freaking swore!

And after the initial shock wore off, we were all left with the same questions. How did they get away with that? Why can they say "piss off" and not "butt," even though "butt" has been used SEVERAL times on Sailor Moon?? What about "frigging" and "bite me?" Neither of those even approach "piss off" in swearing terms! I've seen "piss off" bleeped out of movies airing on TV, for Kami's sake, and they totally let it slide here! Oh well. The utterly incomprehensible FUNimation editing continues to go along as usal. It's even funnier, because Dende doesn't even swear in the JAPANESE version. He just tells them to hurry and make their wish because Vegeta and Freeza are coming.

And it's not just the "piss" that makes this one a milestone. Dende says "God!" That's a big deal because the scripts from Seasons 1 and 2 never used any religion-oriented terms, but now that's apparently OK. "Lord" and "God" are both words that come in handy in Dragon Ball, so it'll be nice to see them used from here on.

And here we are. The scene that almost drove me into a Vegeta rage. The horrors begin immediately, with Kaiou's antennae standing at attention making a stupid "morse code" sound effect that was added by FUNimation. It's not RADIO you freaking morons, it's TELEPATHY. Most of the time, FUNimation simply uses the Japanese sound effects and adds an occasional Hanna Barbera bonk or zoink every now and then just to piss me off. But this... they add that completely annoying and inappropriate "bee bee beep bee beep" EVERY SINGLE TIME Kaiou uses his telepathy for the rest of the season. Ugh. Well, since this is a Stupid Dialogue Alert, I'm getting off the subject, so I'll jump right into it.

How about Yamucha and Tenshinhan bickering like teenage girls about Yamucha's hair? How about Porunga making stupid ass, COMPLETELY OUT OF CHARACTER jokes for comic relief at a moment that's supposed to be dramatic? Then Kuririn rubs it in with his "A dragon with a sense of humor!" remark. The "comedy" continues with Kaiou's "you don't have to yell!" and Piccolo's "Oh, sorry..."

And then... oh the horror...

Kaiou: "And just ten cents a minute. That's my rate! Hey, I still got it! Hee heh heh SNORT SNORT SNORT honk honk!"

Oh.... my blood began to boil at this, let me tell you. The utter desecration of Kaiou-sama, brought to an all time low. Enraging beyond belief. But it wasn't over yet.

Next we have Yamucha calling Piccolo "da bomb!" Piccolo telling Kaiou "this must be what it's like to have a Mom!" and various and sundry references to "your dimension/this dimension" etc.

Could it be any worse?

Yeah it can, and it is. The voices themselves just add to the nightmare. Yamucha now sounds like a burned out surfer moron, Tenshinhan's voice sucks as bad as he ever did, and Piccolo.... oh God. Scott McNeil would be ashamed. The new guy sucks big hairy donkey balls, and is nothing but a caricature.

Long story short, this scene nearly killed me, and it was a very disheartening experience. The Japanese version, of course, had none of these problems. I had to watch it about ten times in a row in order to regain my sanity.

On the bright side, Kami and Mr. Popo's new voices were introduced here, and they're not half bad. Of course, they're both such minor characters that it doesn't make any difference really, but that's FUNimation's typical pattern.

Also, I really liked Freeza's line "Death is my specialty." Just sounded kinda cool, and it never could have been said in Season 2. But what was up with that "Bad boys!" thing? What, is Freeza their mother or something? Vegeta did the same thing a bit earlier.