89 "Freeza Kyoufu no Sengen! Te o Tsukawazu Omae o Taosu"
(Freeza's Terrifying Proclamation! Without Using My Hands, I Will Defeat You)
74 "Frieza's Boast" 99-10-8

The confident Freeza declares to Goku that he will defeat him without using his hands. Elsewhere, the frog Ginyu and Buruma become friends, and Buruma builds a small device that allows him to speak. He uses the opportunity to switch bodies with Buruma, and he sets off to seek revenge. Meanwhile, Goku manages to get Freeza to punch him, and the two agree to go all out from there on.

One of dub Goku's lines during this episode really says a lot about he and Freeza's relationship as a whole: "I've got better things to do than stare at you all day." That's interesting, because there seems to be a whole hell of a lot of that going on. The staring contests are kind of a staple of all DBZ battles (much like the "cloud of smoke that slowly dissipates to reveal that the recipient of some badass attack is still totally unharmed" thing), but Goku and Freeza in particular seem to love gazing into each other's eyes for long stretches, forcing you to kind of "wonder" about the two of them.

Anyway, this episode is chock full of goodies, including a slew of bad dialogue, more censored ciggys, and (gasp) a CUT!

We are also introduced to Mark Britten's Oolong, which is almost as horrible as his Gyuumaou. He did Bahta too. So basically, Mark is responsible for all of the worst voices, and the most insignificant characters. That's pretty much why I gave up exchanging e-mails with him. I mean, why bother?

Freeza: "This way I won't break a nail"

This line was obviously placed here by FUNimation just in case there was still anyone left in the audience unaware of the fact that Akira Toriyama originally conceived Freeza as an effeminate transvestite. Thank God for them.

Oolong: "We should forget about going to lizardville and head for the Bahamas"

Well, according to DB Daizenshuu number 4, the series takes place on an entirely different Earth. One on which There is no Bahamas. Of course I wouldn't expect the imbeciles involved with this excercise to actually do any research, or even to have the common sense of a fruit bat, but there it is nonetheless.

Freeza: (A bunch of unintelligible nursery rhyme-like crap while he smacks Goku about the face with his tail)

I couldn't even understand anything that Freeza was saying here, but I'm confident that it sucked and was lame.

Goku: "When's the last time you had a bath?...Whew, it's downright unpleasant back here!"

Oh, dub. How dare you insinuate that my lord Freeza stinks. There's actually NO dialogue here in the Japanese version, but that's the typical "FUNimation blabber" principle at work.

Freeza: "you are SOOOO dead!"

I admit it, I chuckled when I first heard it, but it was that "morbidly depressed" kind of chuckle.

Buruma: "I could be the next Jane Goodall except with frogs!"

Wow, two lines in one episode of the "let's just destroy the credibility and integrity of the story while completely ignoring the painfully obvious fact that references to our Earth and our history make no sense" variety.

Incidentally, does anyone else kind of wonder about that shot where, once Ginyu has taken Buruma's body, he starts fondling his new breasts? The dub dialogue makes it sound like he is merely wiping his hands off, but the Japanese dialogue is a bit more ambiguous. Does it look like he's "fondling" or "wiping?" I myself can't decide. All I know is that if I were to suddenly find myself in a woman's body, I'd spend the first several hours doing a little exploring.

Dr. Briefs' eternal cigarette, taken from him once again.

(8 sec.) When Kame Sennin is pulling Chichi off of Dr. Briefs, he is pleased to get a facefull of ass for a couple of seconds. Chichi then elbows him in the face and calls him a pervert, leaving Kame standing there with blood spurting out of his nose. It's all very comical, and you are all somewhat lesser human beings for not having seen it. OK, it's not so important, but it's yet another bit that, based on watching Tenchi, I KNOW they could have left alone if not for their humanitarian mission to voluntarily edit anything that might offend someone.

My friends, as the great cartoonist Scott Henderson once observed, there are certain things in this world that are always funny, no matter what your age, no matter how many times you see them. I would say that an Asian man with an English accent is always funny. Or the fart-like sound that an almost empty bottle of mustard makes when you squeeze it, that's always funny. A guy stepping on the forked end of a rake causing the other end to flip up and hit him in the face is always funny.

And a cartoon animal, especially a villain, getting his tail bitten or crushed is always funny. For some reason, I think that the scene where Goku bites Freeza's tail is one of the greatest things in all of Dragon Ball. I love the look on Freeza's face, the goofy cartoon stars in the background, the big red toothmarks, the way Freeza blows on it (as if blowing on it is somehow going to make it hurt less)... it's just a masterpiece.

I don't know why I thought that this was important enough to mention, but man, do I love that scene.